the book

Have you ever tried dancing in socks on a hardwood floor to Jackson 5? Because it is one of the finest things I have ever experienced in life. Weeks weeks weeks. My mom was here and my dad was here… bueno my dad is here right now! He is sitting next to me on this couch watching TV. When my mom was here we went to all kinds of fancy restaurants because my mom really likes food and likes to try exciting new types of foods. You know what doesn’t make me uncomfortable at all? Being around rich, fancy people. I know so many people who are like “going to expensive places makes me uncomfortable” but I don’t really get that. Which leads me to this question on the subject of social work: job :and: school applications when it asks you to explain what kind of experience you have with diversity. What experience do you have with people of other races, with people of other genders, of other cultures, of other economic standing, of other sexualities. How can I answer this question? Life is a big treadmill your foot keeps falling and it isn’t like you can stop it, you encounter all kinds of people every day. Or is that just me? That can’t just be me. What kind of people are applying to these jobs and programs that are able to categorically list what experiences they have had with diversity? Well, today I interacted with a Chinese man and yesterday I am pretty sure I talked with a gay man but maybe he was “bisexual.” I AM ENTERING SPANISH EXPLATIVES HERE IN MY BRAIN BUT NOT ESCRITO. That treadmill metaphor was awful but can it segue into me saying that I have been going to the gym every day with my dad? I can jog through so many Rage Against the Machine songs now-- it’s really top-notch.
Ok, RATM. I don’t usually go to bumpin’ clubs in the United States but can anyone tell me if they generally play Rage Against the Machine, Violent Femmes, and Refused? Because I rather like discoteques here and the reason is explicitly that they play JAMS ALL THE TIME. Ok they play some generic rap and hip-hop and other quality grind-up-on-yer-man music but when you are jumping around in a room with a bunch of Peruvians in shiny halter tops who all know every single word to Smells Like Teen Spirit, you gotta wonder if just maybe you are experiencing something altogether unique. Songs, music, lyrics and notes and stuff I have been writing music on a guitar. Not like music I can actually play because my calluses are still developing so much that I can’t play as fast as I am writing. Really the first time I have written music on a guitar and it kinda sucks so I have been listening to Panic at the Disco in the hopes I will feel better about myself. And it’s working. A special thank you note will be sent to: the human ability to feel superior based on the judgment of others. I have been thanking my human qualities as of lately. An email chain between Teague and I left me feeling grateful and happy about disapproval and sadness. I remember a time when I felt lonely, I felt this longing for a feeling, a person, a time, or a place.
But the emotions are not being felt as much as they are being looked at now. My little heartstrings are being pulled in the same directions but I am not living it, I am looking at it. Like everything is a pipe organ and I am just watching the frustration sound and then the satisfaction chime then the insecurity and then the lust and they are all equal, you know? My emotions don’t seem to be swelling up to insurmountable heights anymore, they are just pulsing in and out and it isn’t really affecting ME. And what is that me that I speak of? Take it away, Alan Watts.